My feelings

12:46 PM

Hello to everyone who's reading this. OK I have to say that this might be a wordy and quite serious post. As my emo feeling strikes in now.I have not much friends to talk to when I'm sad because I'm not used to show people the sad face of mine. I cannot talk to my family too because I don't know how. I really jealous you all who can really chat and hang out with your parents like friends. What I can do is just tuck in my bed and blog. I hope I don't get judged negatively tho. Btw I'm actually...crying. Ya I don't need people to pity me but I want to let people know what are you suppose to do. Because each and every tear is caused by something..perhaps someone, most of the time.

What are the most important thing that you value in life? Family? Ya. I would like to say that but recently...I doubted. I'm not a cruel, heartless or a not respectful kid. I cared too much, till I hurt myself. I always cry whenever I'm alone and I feel helpless. fml. Who can I approach? Who will really care about me? No one can help. Things just doesn't go the way I wanted. I actually miss my bro and I feel sad for him. He have to struggle lots of shits back in Kuching. I have no ability to feed myself or him yet (and also my doggies who are also my best family members). In this point of time, you can already see that, why didn't I mention about my parents? I'm actually not a rich kid who can spend money like water, although I hope I can LOL. I'm actually already quite thankful that I'm in Taylor's. My parents loan money and work quite hard just to get me to a better uni. I did appreciate what my parents did. I have tons of family problems to deal with. Too much to say but in short, ya my dad left us for the past 12 years of my life. Parents were not divorced, just separated. I did not blame my dad neither my mum. Both of them have their own faults. My dad, too innocent and naive sometimes which is not loyal enough and care too much about his pride. My mum, too stubborn and hot tempered who married with her first bf and do not even know how to handle a relationship. It's not good to judge your own parents I know, but..humans make mistake. It doesn't mean that you're my parents then everything you do I must think that it's right. Quarreling, fighting is a common scene I have to encounter with since young. What I can hear everyday is all about "" I do hate the existence of money.  It makes you fell in and also out of love. Who doesn't want a life that you can just buy anything you want? But for me now...I think happiness is more important than anything else. Ya it is very true that we cannot feel happy when we're poor. So in terms of achieving a happy life, having enough income to cover all you expenses of your family is important. The most important thing is APPRECIATE. If you do not know how to appreciate, you'll start to complain and blame about how bad your life is and eventually you wouldn't feel happy.  I don't like to see people hurting my family members. Even my friends. I hate the woman my dad is with right now because he hurt my mum so badly and my dad was too dumb to realized that. They never knew how to communicate. I hate the people my mum hang around with because they just make her life more troublesome and she's also too dumb to realized that. As a child, no matter how hard I tried, I can't change anything. I'll just let it be. (at this point) The point of me blogging about this is not to reveal the ugly truth of me. I did not really like to share this to my friends because I always think that people might not like to hangout with me if they know about this. wtf I was so insecure and no confident at all. Anyways, I still love my family and I really hope they care more about me. Even when I'm filling my "emergency contact person" slot in a form I have to think like 10 secs because I don't even know who will come immediately for me if I need help.

The main purpose of this blog post is actually for you guys to think what you should start to learn right now. I might seem to be not experienced enough to preach so I'll just share and you can decide whether to listen or not.

  1. Love is not only for your lover, but also the people around you. You might start to neglect your family or friends when you have a new partner but please don't. Sometimes there's always a friend or someone (a family member) who actually cares about you just because they needs to be cared too. 
  2. Be responsible. If you already have a family to take care of, why are you still so unstable to those seductions of the flowery world? Keep your mind still.
  3. Marry the right person. Why married so early when you're unsure whether he/she is the right one or not? Maybe you can divorce if the marriage doesn't work..but.. you guys are not the ones getting hurt. Your children are (If you already had one)
  4. Learn how to communicate. Guys doesn't really know what girls want. I'm serious. Just say whatever you think or you feel. Communication works that way. Without saying any message, they won't be any receiver. Don't think that if your gf/bf loves you, he must know what you're thinking. WTF NO!
  5. Don't live they way people think is good and buy stuffs just to 'show' off.  Yup I admit that I'm somehow influenced but this is not good I must stop. I regret spending so much money. I think if you really wanna reward yourself, 1 or 2 branded bags is enough. A collection of it doesn't make any point. Anyway that's your problem and your money so I cannot do what also.
  6. Your family is always your family. No matter how they hurt me, I'm still here. Trying to get things done better :)
  7. You have only one dick, so one chick at a time when you're still dating her. Having many girlfriends is nothing wrong but just stay loyal  to who you are with. If you wanna cheat, just fucking breakup.
  8. Appreciate. Not everyone can live in a fancy life. Don't compare your husband or bf with other guys. Give them the pride that they deserve. They should be always the best for you and in return, guys should think that your gf is the best you'll ever have. If not why are you still dating him/her? wtf
I think that's all for now. I believe there's a lot of different issues occurred in families which are unseen. If you're reading, try not to make any mistake to make yourself regret. You only live once. Make it the life you want. God Bless.


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