So if you followed me on Instagram you should've known that I've been very heartbroken recently. I lost someone who I am really in love with. So the relationship which I thought only death would break us apart finally ended and I am actually still trying to deal with my own feelings right now. I thought I've found the one I can be comfortable with, the one who I can crack jokes and laugh at stuffs together with, the one who'll always be by my side that made me feel safe and secure. Shit happens.
It's easy for me to "like" someone but it is really hard for me to "love" someone inside out. I felt sorry for letting my friends down too as they never really see this side of me. Moving on was never this hard for me as I never expect good endings in any guy I've previously dated. I date just for the sake of not being alone and for the sake of feeling there's someone there who care for me. I never consider them in my future life so it was really easy to move ahead of my life.
OK so here's a few thing I've reflected on throughout this relationship.
1. Don't lose yourself from being too in love.
I start feeling too comfortable with him around and start relying on him and neglected some of my friends too just because I wanna spend more time with him. He's my priority, my happy pill. My emotions are basically based on his emotions. This is pretty unhealthy. We need to have our own "me time" too.
2. Listen.
Men are unlike women. They don't always express how they feel like we do. Sometimes when a problem occur, they'll only mention once and expect us to pick it up right away. So sometimes we just need to pay a little bit more attention on what they are trying to convey.
3. Care about your partner's feeling too.
This is the biggest mistake I've made in this relationship. Every guy have their own ego. You'll definitely know your lover's ego level. Avoid doing things that will make them feel like you don't even trust them and before making any actions, think about how they'll feel. I am pretty straightforward especially to my love ones and I am sometimes bad with words. I hurt people without me knowing too :(
4. Girls need to be loved, guys too. After all we're all human.
Maybe the love they want is different from what you think you are giving. I saw some article saying that to truly understand someone we need to be with that person for at least 2 years.
5. Be someone you yourself would respect.
This is my quote in life right now. Normally when we lose feelings towards someone it's normally when you start losing respect towards that person. Enhance and improve your life everyday and stop at where you are right now even though you think you've find someone who appreciates you now.
No matter what, don't lose hope. Don't be evil in the core of your heart. It's okay if we know we've tried our best.
I hope he'll do good...somewhere without me. Somewhere which I couldn't see because I don't wanna remind myself that I'm not the reason that he's happy right now. I hope his future partner treats him well and doesn't disappoint him like how I did. I'll still keep him in that special place in my heart. Sorry to my future partner, I'll love you a little bit lesser because I do not wish to be so heartbroken again and if you're the one, I do not wish that you'll be leaving someday. Life goes on but ......
Till then,
X.O.X.O
